So, when does it begin? Perhaps in some ritualistic sort of manner as described in an old time movie about a boy leaving the safety of his tribe to brave the wilderness and return with the tusks of a Mammoth! Or Perhaps I have to wrestle a bear with my bare hands!
I of course am referring to that oh so vague and unreachable task of GROWING UP!
The bible tells us that we have to put childish ways behind us and become a man(or woman if you are a woman) does that mean we grow up when we read the news paper, drink coffee, discuss property tax and politics over diner with friends, 0and fall asleep on the couch watching late night re-runs of MASH and Dr Phil?
This conversation came about as I was talking to a friend on MSN. She was commenting on how GREAT a Father I was going to be, how amazing it was that I was having a little baby girl(well Kim's technically having it...but I HELPED!). I immediately begun to picture myself in glasses, gray hair, on the LAZ-E-BOY with my slippers and remote resting on pot belly as I fall asleep.
As a young male, married and living independently of parental reign these sort of thoughts come to mind every now and then. After all JUST 3 or so years ago BOTH my wife AND I lived under our parents roof's, and 5 or so years ago still had to ask if we wanted to go out, or use the car, or what not. Now, things are VERY different!
If I want to go out, I go out, if I want to use the car(if I had one) I use the car. My wife and I are accountable to each other, and soon a little child will be added into the picture. SO very different!
So, wile sitting in the subway this morning, I took a look around, taking to mind the conversation I had with my friend. I was wearing my hoodie because it was cold, listening to music with my IPOD, I had just put my Nintendo Ds in my pocket to give it a rest. A few mid 40 something folks about me were reading the paper, drinking coffee, a few younger than me folks were listening to their newer smaller music devices chatting on their phones and carrying out a conversation(Talk about MULTI tasking!).
Perhaps technology divvied us? My parents wouldn't know how to check their e mail if it bit them in the bud! However my INLAWS are a different story, they can use the pc, blog, chat and even play an odd computer game or to in their spare time I'm sure. Even my wife's grandfather can use a computer, so technology can't be the reason.
Perhaps we are all of us, products of our time. It is no small secret that our parents had it harder, and their parents harder then them. Perhaps because we had it so easy, we are not as serious about things, we do not make as much as the previous generation, and more of us return home after college. Does this mean we are failing? Isn't there suppose to be a hand over? You know, WE ARE THE FUTURE and all? But a lot of us are still at home in our 30's? Wile others are having babies going "wait a moment I'm an adult! When did I even graduate? What's going on? Mom how do I do laundry!"
Women as well as men, 50 years ago a woman’s place was in the home, every young girl knew how to sew and cook I assume(Im generalizing for the sake of the topic forgive me). I'm reading a book called Jane Eire, part of their school lessons is sewing, cooking and such. In today’s day and age, there is hardly a gender gap when it comes to such things.
I cook much better than my wife, and she is far more interested in sports and such than I am.
So, not only is our generation less serious, more apathetic, and seeming to be fairing poorly in this transition to adult hood, but we've also managed to smear the gender gap. Not that that's a bad thing.
I don't want to bash on my generation to much. I just re-read my post and realize I made it all sound like we are nothing but children in adult bodies. That isn't true, a lot of us watch news, read the paper, we have opinions and political agenda's. We wear suites and drink coffee and complain about gas prices, we wear slippers and complain about KIDS these days...but when it all comes down to it, we are very much different than our parents.
I've gone and lost myself from the topic here.
I'm looking forward to being a father. But as I step closer to that new stage in my life, I realize more and more how different things will be for my family as they were for me growing up, how different I will be than my father was, and his father. I realize how important it will be to be a good role model, and to understand that my children will be a product of THEIR time and in turn will be different than Kim and I as parents too.
Anyone have a comment? I'm sure we could get a good discussion about this going.
7 comments:
I first had the 'oh my goodness, I'm an adult' moment, when I realized that some punk kid was kicking the back of my seat in the movie theatre. After initially wanting to smack the kid, I realized I wasn't 'that young' anymore.
Just wait - there will be a moment when you, too will realize that the words you just said sounded just like your parents. That one really messes with the brain!
I don't think becoming an adult has anything to do with age. I think you become an adult when you start taking responsibility for your actions. Everything you do, say or think has an effect on those around you and you are acting responsibly when you think of others first. Sound too simple ? I don't think so.
I agree with don g. It's a matter of accepting responsibility, not a matter of age. There are 70 year olds that are still children in their attitudes and behaviors and 10 year olds that are mature beyond their years.
It's normal to feel a little nervous with your first child. Not that I would know, cause I've never really had one of my own, but I am close to both my sisters who have had 8 between the two of them.
You're going to do fine. You took the first step in responsibility by getting married and making that committment and now you are taking on the responsibilty of rearing a child that came as as result of that love committment.
Both you and Kim are very responsible people and have definitely passed that invisible barrier to adulthood. Now with Gods help you can lead your child or children to that same place.
I'm proud of you!
Keep up the good work!
I'm with tlc. A couple of weeks ago, I had to ask some students not to sit on the front of my car. They moved, a little bewildered, but it didn't occur to them that perhaps they could take their stuff off the back of my car as well. Those two issues were unrelated in their minds.
I decided at that point, "I'm not young anymore. And I'm OK with it!!"
:)
This is a bit of a digression, mostly because I can't think of an answer to your question :P
I think we really sell teenagers and young adults short in our culture... it idolizes youth, and tells them not to grow up.
Other factors are there, but the two big ones of
1. post WWII, job market and sentiment
2. the creation right around the same time of "teenagers" as a market niche
have heavily damaged our concept of "youth" (for centuries the time between the start of puberty and full adulthood) as "young adulthood, immature but still an adult" and created a whole new category of "teenagers" .... the Latin word "adolescere" came back after centuries of disuse and we now call it "extended adolescence" that often lasts till one's late twenties or early thirties (though in England the trend, especially with male bachelors, is now extending into one's forties).
Needless to say, I believe its a highly dangerous culture we live in for youth and young adults, who aren't given high expectations or new responsibilities... or proper mentors -- who treat them not as children or a strange in-between stage of teenagers, but as adults, albeit very immature and inexperienced ones!
Extended adolescence is incredibly damaging, and very complex in all the factors that go into it and the solutions... mentoring and expectations obviously factor into it, but its not all!
There's also the view of "youthful sinfulness" promulgated by the church in times past - which could last, depending on who you asked, until the age of forty-two! That's another debate altogether, though if you want an interesting read, google "The Worlde and the Chylde," an early morality play about sinful youth. The last lines alone are staggering.
I could go on... but I'll stop for everyone's sake :) Thanks for letting me rant a little
This was the play I was thinking of (a different title, but almost identical - this is a slightly later play from Puritan New England)
http://www.sacred-texts.com/chr/nep/nep25.htm
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