I just feel down right crappy. I am in a rotten mood and I just want to turn my back to the world and say BAH HUMBUG! Not that I am looking for a pity trip or anything, but I am getting so tired of everything going wrong, I feel like we are taking a big three steps backwards for every tiny step we claw our way forward. This move was supposed to be our big new fresh start...and it is ending up one big setback after another. I never thought I would look back and actually find myself wishing I was still living in TORONTO!
I did not for a moment think things would be paradise...I'm not that naive. However, I never saw things turning out as they are now. All I really wanted was a few months to save some cash...a few months of little to no expenses to save a few thousand so we could get ourselves back above water. However, all we have had from day one is set back after set back. First; just weeks after we bought our car we threw 400 in repairs, then Kim's position at Wendy’s fell through with out so much as an explanation. Then I wasn't able to get much more than part time hours at much less than my old pay. On top of that we were blessed with a whopper of a gas and hydro bill that was nearly 4 times higher than it should have been. Then another car repair followed by a series of set backs we never saw coming. Not only were we unable to SAVE anything, but the meager hen pickings we managed to save prior to moving were diminished too due to tight wages and set back after set back.
I am not an optimist, nor do I have illusions of a perfect world, but I did envision things just a little better than they are now. The latest shot to the groin...the car is shot and the repair will set us back much more than the lemon is WORTH. So we find ourselves caught between a rock and a hard place. Scratch, save, and get it fixed only to lose out and have it break again...or ditch it and buy a new one only to have IT do the same. Even getting the funds together to pay for a new one will be a challenge.
Every time something good comes along two bad things come to replace is. I was able to land a nice part time job, but it wont cover what we will be losing thanks to Mc Donald’s not giving Kim nearly enough for a half decent matt leave. Nice hefty tax return…mondo expensive car repair bill three times bigger than tax return…the list goes on. Just when we think “hey we have a little extra we might be able to spend it on ourselves for a change or put something into savings” WHAM fate sends a hard kick to the groin. I feel like Nelson Muntz is standing behind me going “Haw Haw!”
If I hear one more person tell me "oh that’s life" or "welcome to owning a car" or some other “suck it up princess” like statement I will scream. In fact, maybe I will scream anyhow. Sometimes you just feel like screaming, and saying "this sucks" and all the power to you. I don't feel sorry for myself and I don't want anyone else to, we made the choices we made and we will live with them...doesn't mean I have to be happy with how everything turned out....
I suppose I should be happy and look at the blessings, a healthy toddler, a steady job, enough money to pay all our bills, a roof over our heads and food on the table. A soon to be addition to the family…but I almost feel like every time I get a little excited about this stuff something crappy happens.
Ah well…its off to work I go. Here’s hoping for a good shift tonight.
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